I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
