we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
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