I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
please come you make the beer taste better
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
