We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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