Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
