Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
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