The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Randomize
