If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
