do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
