She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
