Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
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