what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
