he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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