That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
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