If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Randomize
