Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
