I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
