what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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