Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
