My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
