I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
