Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
