i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize
