it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
