I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
