worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
