perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Randomize
