I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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