you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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