I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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