ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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