I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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