What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Randomize
