didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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