Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
