You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
we should paint friendship bongs
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
