Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
How does it feel to date your dad?
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
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