omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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