Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
