My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
