rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Randomize
