Where did you get a picture of my penis
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
