ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Randomize
