So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
What did we do last night that was yellow?
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
me + whiskey = a bad person
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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