I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Randomize
