We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
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