Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
