So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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