no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
