Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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