dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
