a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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