Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
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