You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Randomize
