Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
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